"It's Monday and I shouldn't be waking up thinking 'I have a bad feeling about this...!'"

When was the last time you did something for yourself? It doesn't matter if it is big or small, expensive or cheap. When was the last time you let yourself explore yourself? For more ideas on DIY and Mental Health, check out this website called Self-Love Rainbow. This is an affiliated link and I will receive a small commission if you happen to purchase something from the site.

It's Monday and I shouldn't be waking up thinking "I have a bad feeling about this...!"

Honestly who am I kidding, it's usually everyday that I feel like this so I'm not surprised. What is surprising is what's happening in America historically at the moment. 

I wish I could just get up and move out of the country like Billie Joe Armstrong and anyone else who has the funds instantly available. I wish I had an emergency jet I could summon with a press of a button. I'd label that button, "GTFO of America". 

No where feels safe. I have just begun to settle down from all the chaotic events of the pandemic, my personal life, and all of the seemingly daily racial breaking news.

I never thought in my life I'd be seeing anything like this. What happened to, "can't we all just get along?" I'm a 90s kid and this version of America is turning into something very strange.

I won't try to get too political as I continue developing this blog, but there is a lot of overlap of politics when it comes to living in America. Which brings me back to why I have a bad feeling about some things going forward. I am already dealing with Anxiety and Depression. I don't like that things are feeling like the laws, heroes, and the powers that be are regressing. We the people have worked so hard to debate and fight for the many freedoms that we have today. This is my country too and even if I'm not in the most effective position to do anything I still do what I can to support rights.

There's so much uncertainty. I feel for those who are out there now in America struggling on the most difficult levels of their lives. It makes me appreciate the things I have in my life. Even if they are small most people in our country are struggling. That's shocking because of how much our country is supposed to be so great in terms of what we are offered in being born American. I will never forget my Geography teacher back in college once told the class, "Never forget that you are the elites of the elites. People would kill to be in your seats and some people spend their whole life trying to make it here just to have the opportunities that you all have." It was a good reminder that we are born lucky to have been born in the country. It's not like I want to give up on my country, but right now it's getting really hard to really feel like you're able to make it, or live that American dream like those who came here long ago sought out to do.

Let me change course for a moment... I just want to give my love and prayers to everyone around the world. To all the people in other countries that may not have our American luxuries. Those who have a different standard and cultural way of living. I can't wait to travel and discover all or most of the world one day. I could use a fresh perspective on the many different ways we can live on this planet. I've never been out of the country unless you count me flying to Alaska from the lower 48 states, then I have totally been out of the country. Even if Alaska is still apart of the country, living/traveling there you'd think otherwise.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I wasn't able to live with my mom I'd probably still be out there in the streets. It just seems like there are barriers at every entry, especially when it comes to affordable housing. When I was a kid I grew up thinking that everyone would easily be able to get a place to stay, get a good paying job, and find a great significant other all in one fowl swoop. Wishful thinking is wishful thinking. To be young again, I'm saying that as if I'm 90 already. Things really did seem much easier in those times. I guess that's just life moving on and moving forward. The question becomes what are we going to do in the meantime.

Alright, I think I got out what I needed to get out for now. Again, this blog is designed to be an open, nonjudgmental, safe space for me to come and practice acceptance and vulnerability through creative writing. I'm definitely doing this for the journey of emotional healing and growing especially as I'm taking therapy. Right now I have been using the free month of therapy sponsored by Ariana Grande and BetterHelp. Once that's over with I am going to be researching and looking into other therapy options. I'm so glad that even through all the madness at least we have more affordable mental health options being created and offered. Things are very complicated and complexed right now and I'm learning in therapy that it's going to be okay. I don't know how it's going to, but I guess in the end it has to be okay. Right?

If you're reading this I hope you are doing what you can with what you have at this very moment. At least we're still here and that's something to be thankful for. Take care of yourselves.

Thank you all so much for reading. 

If you have gained any value and liked reading any of my material on this blog then please leave me a "Peace" sign emoji in the comment section or at my social media handles @NBWBlogger and definitely follow me or subscribe. This way I can get an idea of what kind of content I can start working on to make sure I do my part to give back to our beautiful "HUMAN Internet" community. However you would like to find ways to be notified so you'll know when I post at the very least. To whom it may concern, I hope you're doing what you can how you can with what you've been given because you are truly worth it.

Until next time...

NorthBoundWriter

(Zeno Matsumoto)

www.northboundwriter.com